The Journey to Having More
Owning My Story
The experiences and the stories in your life and mine have made us into who we are today. This is the very reason I believe owning our story is so vital in moving forward through the transitions in our lives as we transform forward into the life we curate and love. We can’t go back in time to the past, it has already taken place. Without the ability to change the past and knowing everything has happened for us rather than to us, there are truths and lessons to be learned and benefits that have been gained which we must hold on to with gratitude.
I don’t know about you, but I have lived an interesting life with many twists, turns, ups, and downs. And through it all, I have come to love who I am and the life I curated. This was not always the case.
In my marriage, I played small, pretended everything was fine, and played my part to allow myself to stay in a toxic marriage for twenty years. . . all because I did not love myself, did not believe I was enough because I was broken in some way. In a very self-harming manner, I believed I was unworthy of having what I desired.
I desired friendship, respect, honor, honesty, compassion, empathy, kindness, understanding, and love from my husband. The missing element and the hard truth was that I was unable to give these things to myself and therefore I had tied and bounded myself to a man who was incapable, unwilling to express, and void of qualities.
I was so busy chasing the approval, acceptance, love, and attention of my husband that I became a shell of who I am. I willingly took crumbs in exchange for me giving and caring beyond my threshold and my limits. I was always giving and he was always taking . . . and in truth, this is what I created for myself and allowed in my marriage. In the process, I endured bullying, negative talk, blame, silence, verbal abuse, physical violence, and anger. And in return, I showed up in mirrored reactions with the same, equally hurtful, harmful, and toxic behaviors.
Getting Fueled
I hold gratitude for the toxic end of my marriage, my husband leaving me, our 20-year marriage, and a 23-year relationship over a telephone call. In the toxic and painful divorce that followed I finally found the strength to say no more to the abuse, gaslighting, and bullying.
I stepped into my power to stand up for myself, my worth, and my value, firmly honoring the important role I had in our marriage, our time together, and my role in the success of his career and our family. Even without his acknowledgment or honor, I knew I had value and finally began giving myself credit, well deserved and well earned.
I learned to use this experience as fuel for opening myself up to possibilities of having all the things I desired for myself and from myself. I no longer needed his approval, acceptance, or validation.
I took the steps and actions necessary to own my own transformation to get out of being a victim and instead face the truth of my marriage, my husband, and how much I had harmed myself, him, and our children. I learned valuable lessons through the experience and today, use it as fuel and catalyst for something so much better, receiving all that I desire from the one person I can’t live without… me, myself, and I! And by owning my story and fueling my transformation and growth, I guide and help others do the same through my work.
Road to Having More
MORE for me, means having more of the things I want in my life. The specifics things change from time to time. And these things may be different from what I may want in life and what I need in life. . . either way, I want MORE and lots of it! At the moment, my intentions in my life are working towards and having MORE:
Love
Friendship
Family
Joy
Abundance
Laughter
Relaxation
Travel
Learning
Experiences
Time with those I love
Creativity
Connections
Cooking and enjoying food
Sacred Time for myself
What do you desire to have MORE of in your life? What story have you lived through? What lessons have you learned that is fueling your intention and quest for having MORE in your life?
